How do we heal the wounds of our past?

When traumatic events occur during what is called our formative years (ages 4-7) and especially if these traumatic events reoccur often, a part of our beingness often gets shut down.

We protect ourselves the only way we can, as children, by cellularly encapsulating moments of pain and trauma, and forgetting them consciously.

That aspect of us, the young being who changes at that moment, is called the inner child. Once we've closed down the child within, how do we integrate all aspects of ourselves, including the damaged child we've hidden away, as a happy, balanced adult?

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....How do we heal the inner child?

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Question on spiritual healing: I have recently been exposed to the concept of the inner child and feel strongly that this is the work I need to do. My life is in shambles. I am an extreme co-dependent...staying in relationships simply because I am terrified of being alone. I need others to feel validated and am overwhelmed with feelings of emptiness and helplessness. I need for my life to change. I am so tired of everything being so difficult. Where do I begin?

Healing facilitation response: I have deep empathy for much of what you shared. I have had those same feelings so often.

I know your life is not where you want it to be, but I encourage you to feel good about being who and where you are right now because it takes a very strong person to learn the lessons you are learning. It takes a strong person to shut down a part of themselves in self-defense and to keep those aspects closed off until they feel safe enough to heal.

There is an indomitable child inside you who will not let you be satisfied until that part of you heals, so terrible as you may feel, it is actually a sign of healing that you won't settle for co-dependence and these feelings you describe.

Every day, spend some time going within. This can simply be sitting quietly for a few minutes, as long as feels comfortable, and asking what the innocent child within needs or wants, and listening for the answer.

In my own healing, it has become necessary to voice feelings that were not very God-like. I've had feelings of rage, bitterness, resentment, hate, etc.

One of the most important aspects of healing for me was finding a safe place where I could express and know that whatever was there was alright with God.

Those feelings only affect our relationship to source if we hold on to them or act them out against others. Releasing feelings of anger, rage and even hate in a safe environment, is something God supports.

If you feel like cursing the universe, or giving up, or loving - God still remains - listening, loving, supporting. God even remains if we turn that rage toward Godsource - if we rage that we weren't saved from the experiences we had to endure.

The point is that releasing those feelings that have been bottled up for so long leaves us free to get to know ourselves again, including the chid we once were.

I would also encourage you to stop beating yourself up in any way for the past, even the moment just past where you may have behaved in what you feel is a bad way.

Look ever forward, forgiving as God forgives, and moving toward clarity.

On a practical level, you can do things you used to love as a child....as a way of waking that part of yourself up. But I do suggest finding a healer you feel safe to work with because it's inevitable that feelings and emotions will surface that may be hard to deal with alone.

Special note on codependency: One of the byproducts of growing up in a dysfunctional home is that, as children, we often feel responsible for things that are not at all our responsibility. This is especially true if there is an alcoholic parent, as there was in my own case, or if there is mental imbalance in one or both parents. In cases of divorce, children often feel they must choose and parents who are less than healthy themselves may intensify the struggle of their children without knowing they are doing so, if there are battles over childcare and child support.

What is co-dependency?

According to the The National Mental Health Association, Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

If you feel you may be dealing with codependency issues, seek help through counseling. Know also that inner child healing, cellular release work, Reiki and other alternative healing modalities can help provide safe, sacred space for you to retrieve those innocent parts of your life and bring them back to wholeness.

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Emotional Health Disclaimer: The information on healing the inner child presented in this mental health / emotional healing article is not intended to take the place of needed counseling of medication. If you have, or suspect you have, childhood abuse issues, please consult with your chosen healthcare professional, to assess your needs with regard to emotional health and mental well-being.