Releasing Identity with the Traumatized Self
by N J Howell
I used to define myself in terms of my trauma. The story of my childhood included incest, alcoholism, poverty and unrelenting stress. Used to be, if I typed those words or went back in memory at all to that illusion of a past, it was tremendously painful. My pain body would be activated at the slightest trigger.
I suffered for years with the most debilitating symptoms of fibromyalgia, the worst of which were incredibly and painfully tense shoulder muscles and neck muscles, the raw nerve feeling over all my skin and the mental fogginess that would descend and stay for days sometimes. It impacted every aspect of my life until I started releasing the story around 1988, via spiritual and emotional healing and etheric alchemy decisions.
A Miraculous Moment of Healing Release:
In 1988, I qualified for 8 free sessions with an energetic healer. This spiritual organization was researching specific types of chronic pain and my neck and shoulder pain met the criteria. I went to see an energetic healer who knew about cellular release. I didn't know anything about cellular release at the time but she did, thank God. After about 4 sessions, she was working with a particular spot on my neck. As she touched this spot, I started turning my head back and forth and repeating "I can't see this. If I see this, I'll scream."
About the fourth time I said that, I did see. The suppressed memory of a life-changing moment of abuse, buried deelpy for 28 years, came back with a clarity and intensity I could never have imagined. I came straight up on the table screaming and screamed til there was no breath left. When I fell back down, I still was not breathing. I saw my body above the table and heard the healer saying "breathe, breathe, breathe." When I did breathe and exhale, the pain in my neck was gone for the first time in decades. And I began to release this story of abuse from my cells and my life.
What has been helpful along the way:
At different points in the release, facilitator-guided support groups were very important. One in particular, that I attended when I was in California and first remembered the childhood abuse, was significant. There can be an exponential acceleration of release in the right group setting. My main criteria for such a group is that I feel safe in it. I may be afraid, even terrified, of what may come but I know I'm in a safe place.
Prayer, meditation, creativity - acting and art in my case, conscious breathing, integrative breathwork, massage, support groups and lots of energetic healing sessions all were helpful to me along the path of taking back my body from the pain body that had been created.
I do believe it's possible to completely be free of the energetic effect of trauma because I'm experiencing that now. When I recall the past, there is no charge around it for me now and no identification with it. However, it continues to impact my life when I allow myself to slip back into patterns of behavior or thinking that were prominent during my unhealed years. Even then, it's very obvious that I'm feeling an echo of something that used to be real. I see others still immersed in the pain body of trauma and, because I have stepped out of that paradigm, I am able to offer hope and hold a space on the other side of the trauma, in a new present moment, for them.
The frequency of transformation is here, breathable and receivable by intent. If you have come to this post because you are seeking wholeness of self, and redeeming the inner child from an abusive illusion of past trauma, I invite you and that child aspect of you to connect with the breath, breathe in transformative energy and feel the support that exists for you.
Emotional Health Disclaimer: My experiences, when faced with my own debilitating traumatic identity, may be very different than those you would choose. This information is not presented as a substitute for any needed mental health evaluation or treatment. Each must find the path of wholeness that resonates with them. I've also benefited from mental health counseling and even prescription meds at one point in my life, although I'd never consider them long term, personally. If you feel abuse or trauma from your childhood is impacting your ability to function today, seek the appropriate help for yourself.